Useless

I have attained intellectual clarity and maximum capacity of abilities.
These seemingly valued gifts are an impediment to me now. They collect and are unwanted, thus creating added weight of despondency and frustration as I drift further away in ever increasing isolated detachment from everything I’ve ever known, and who I once was.

MaGoo You’ve Done It Again

I have an astonishing knack of completely fouling up very good things, in fact, the Best things. I am the ultimate Maestro in the art of losing people I care about and even some that I Love.

I am really questioning for the first time in my life if my continued existence is worthwhile?

Lifeless

Pinnocchio wasn’t really a boy,
He was made of wood,
Mannequins look real enough,
But lifeless forms, not so good,
Me, it would seem all is in place,
I have a keen mind and heart,
But I’m forsaken and ignored,
And on the verge of falling apart

Friend Zone (Excerpt from Keefer Stories Book coming early 2015)

(Cue Rod Serling)
Kip Keefer exists in a space somewhere between real life and a pseudo universe. Tread carefully. Seemingly a real person and a quality human being, Kip may not realize it, but he is hopelessly, permanently entrenched in a place he willingly but unwittingly entered… He now resides, In The Friend Zone.

The Friend Zone, aka, Female relationship Puurgatory.The problem is, regardless of the length of the stay, short term or an extended period, the next stop is a certainty. The train outif this station never climbs the hill. The main requirement to be admitted here… Being a “Nice Guy”
Entering the Friend Zone with any woman, particularly with someone you are attracted to, is an ominous, futile, ultimately fatal endeavor. The main requirement is being there to fill in cavernous emotional gaps and listen to real tales of woe about problems and challenges they are encountering. Most particularly focus on the transgressions perpetrated by the men in their lives, currently or previously, and all that these “jerks” are guilty of. Your sympathetic ear and wide shoulders are not offered shallowly or insincerely. You do become immersed and deeply do care. Once involved, you wait patiently, offering support, advice, reinforcement. The insane, misguided, unrealistic hope is that they will somehow realize the greatest guy imaginable, is right before their eyes. But in the a Friend Zone, your masculinity is checked, secured and locked away at the gate. There are moments that create incredible hope. “I love you so much” “You are an amazing person” “You have no idea how much you mean to me” “I dont know what I I would do without you”…. All of these are Emotional Mirages. Frequently, as you are riding high thinking that your sincere efforts, empathy and unyielding, legitimate concern is actually endearing you and magnifying your suitability, here is what ALWAYS comes next. The dreaded, Don’t Get The Wrong Idea, course correcting message,,, ” So nice to hear from you FRIEND” (the word Friend, strategically wielded in woman speak actually means…You are a wonderful person but I wouldn’t sleep with you even if you were the last man on Earth not infected with the Ebola Virus) ” I guess I am going to have to start looking for someone” (meaning, you are certainly not a candidate) or my personal favorite…. ” you are such a great guy, some woman is really going to be lucky to have you in her life”
Gee thanks. I don’t have high hopes for that forecast, especially if they see me as a hideous Eunuch like you clearly do. I’ve invested countless actual communication hours and just as many thinking about you. It’s nice I made such a great impression as you chastise other women for overlooking me. I have been sent that “great guy, you will find someone” message no less than five times by five different women in the last 3 days. In a sad way, I know they mean well and are trying to be nice, However, they are anxious to pass that hot, unwanted potato that is you, to someone, anyone, besides themselves. It isn’t about being denied a relationship. Realistically, you already are cognizant that you are a basically just a glorified, electronic pen pal. Receiving the subtle reminder still rocks you. It is deflating and dehumanizing to be classified as a non starter. You are granted a very good seat in the stands, but are not a participant on the field.

I am a Nice Guy. I don’t know how to be anything else. I am a Sir Lancelot. I save Damsels In Distress and do good deeds. My reward is they stay with or seek another Black Knight, similar or exactly like the one’s before who treated them so shabbily or even abusively. Sir Lancealot, the guy they couldn’t imagine living without, his usefulness exhausted, is discarded and forgotten. My new title, Sir Shitouttaluck.

I concede, it’s somewhat a product of the times and instant communication.. It’s a double edged sword. As an Extrovert, Entertainer and Intelligent Person, I need interaction with other people. I am now, and always have been a Romantic. Substituting this cyber existence for actual human contact,, sets this disappointment in motion.

This is a regular pattern phenomenon. I’m such a Swell Guy, I’m here for anyone. I want to help and feel confident that I almost always deliver. The syndrome is the same if you enter the Friend Zone. It only hurts when someone you really are excited to be in contact with delivers a devastating stiff arm. You would assume that an intelligent person woukd steer clear of this invalidating wasteland. To date, this Moron, Yours truly. Never seems to learn that obvious lesson.

Break Up The Monopolies … Horse Racing Super Powers Dominating The Sport

The Rockefellers and Standard Oil couldn’t get away with it. Ma Bell bit the dust for the same reason. Dynasties like the Yankees, Celtics, and UCLA basketball eventually dissipated after incredible runs. The Romans eventually lost their empire, even the Mings in ancient China eventually solve their dynasty slip away. So, now we have what amounts to two dynasties in the “Sport Of Kings”  horse racing.

The dominance of Todd Pletcher and Bob Baffert has been prolific now for a number of years. But instead of their dual command on the sport lessening as the years go by, it has become even more pronounced and now borders on utterly ridiculous. The Kentucky Deby is scheduled to be off and running at Churchhill Downs in just 18 days. The annual Run For The Roses is Americana at its finest. The pageantry and tradition of the most exciting two minutes in sports is a national treasure. Everyone is a horse racing fan on Derby Day. It is truly a classic on the country’s sports and entertainment stage. 

The maximum field for the Derby each year is 20 starters. When the gates open on Saturday, May 2, for this year’s edition of the Race, of the 20 starters, eight will be representing Pletcher and Baffert. The dynamic duo will have the three overwhelming favorites in the race.  Baffert is featuring a powerhouse 1-2 punch. American Pharoah looks to be a potential super star and teams with  undefeated champion from the West Coast Dortmund. Carpe Diem is Pletcher superstar entry, one of five that he’ll send out in a quest for racing immortality. 

In fairness, capitalism was certainly put in to play to ensure that the top horses in the land to get to compete on Derby Day. A Point system has been devised which we wards horses starting in the biggest races of the year leading up to Kentucky Derby Day. Baffert and Pletcher have earned their way in with their respective horses through their performances. They have not been given any advantages or free passes. But that’s not the issue. Owners with millions to spend in search of Triple Crown glory, seek out and place their horses in one of these two elite barns. And who can blame them? Pletcher and Baffert are far and away the most successful trainers in the game. But unlike recruiting in other sports, or salary caps in professional sport, there are not limited roster spots. When the phone rings with another outstanding prospect being offered to their operations, Baffert in Pletcher sound like Johnny Olson from the old Price Is Right television show, “come on down.”

The 2015 race shapes up to be a classic. The Kentucky Derby is a great equalizer in the fact that with 20 horses, traffic problems almost always develop. A good clean trip is many times not in the cards for some of the top contenders. In many respects, often times it turns out looking more like a demolition derby then a horse race. Coupled with the fact that these three-year-olds will have to go a mile and a quarter for the first time in their lives, it makes winning a daunting task regardless of a horse’s talent level. The top stars this year seeing poised to stay a starring battle for the title that we haven’t seen in quite some time. No matter what happens, it is always great theater. I have been blessed to attend many spectacular sporting events, but the roar of the 180,000 that gather for the Derby when the gates open stands alone in sheer decibel level and electricity. 

On that first Saturday in May as the Titans square off with their superstars, it probably would be a good idea to stop and contemplate just what these two gentlemen have accomplished. With a 36 year drought since Affirmed captured the Triple Crown in 1978, it would be fitting if either Pletcher or Baffert was the trainer to finally break through. Don’t look for their stranglehold on the upper echelons of the racing kingdom to be lessened anytime soon. I can say with all assurance, they are probably busy readying their outstanding crop of two-year-olds for later in the year that will form the nucleus of next year’s top triple crown contenders. It’s good to be king, even if you’re only co-rulers. In the likely event that one of them is posing in the winner circle picture at Churchill Downs, that throne, at least for now, will be all their own.

Abdication

A pathetic waste of time to type this Blog entry no one will ever read, but since there is not a single human being on the planet I can talk to, thought I’d record it for posterity’s sake.

I Resign!! I can no longer fulfill the duties of America’s most beloved, Swell Guy. My existence, limited solely to this 6.5 x 9.5 screen, is no longer satisfactory. The message is clear from my former cohorts, my credentials as an actual person, are no longer valid.

The unfortunate thing is, this comes at a time when all I want to do is give of myself. I don’t want anything from anyone. I do want to touch others, with my Heart. Heartbreaking that No one is interested.

Not So Happy Birthday

My existence is limited to being an entity on a screen,
I am no different than an animated character in a computer game.
There is virtually no personal interaction with other human beings
I’m hailed for my knowledge, compassion and talents but it is artificial.
Those who regale me do not involve themselves in my actual life.
I am everyone’s really swell guy, an invaluable electronic pen pal.
I touch no one and no one touches me,
Isolation and loneliness are the dominant forces in my life
I no longer have the luxuries of independence, spontaneity and mobility, so I cannot take the initiative to repair this ever declining situation.
It is my Birthday, the start of my 57th year,
I can’t imagine my next birthday if something doesn’t change
Without fellowship, love, laughter and bestowing my gifts,
Shunned and ignored, denied utilization of my considerable skills,
I have clearly been relegated to Non-Real-Person status,
I would not harm myself, but merely existing this way is eroding my will to live
How could it have come to this?