It would be with a heavy heart (if I still had one) that I must announce, that I have died. The person I was for 57 years, 5 months and 2 days has expired. He no longer exists. Hopeless Romantic, Optimist, Humorist, Friend, all gone.
I would like to recognize the select group of women that I have loved in my life time. Your collective callous cruelty, inexplicable selfishness, black, tainted souls, ruthless rejection, appalling rudeness, lack of appreciation, and monumental absence of common decency, has made the days of my existence a never-ending siege of despair, and now has officially delivered the deathblow completely killing the person I was. All remnants of faith, belief and hope have been snuffed out. Never again will I have the ability to believe in another person, and certainly not in myself and my obviously impaired judgment.
i never really stopped to contemplate the phrase, “Outlived it’s usefulness.” Now I fully understand it!
it occurs to me today, how much I despise self-centered, narcissistic men. These arrogant jackasses put themselves far in front of anybody else and could care less who they have to trample, or whose lives they ruin, by attaining what they think they want.
I also find myself harboring loathsome feelings for women who gravitate to these kind of jerks. When their poor decision-making yields the inevitable result of them being treated like garbage, they in turn decide to transform their wrath in blame and even hatred of all men.
I have never hurt anyone, and I have never been abusive, selfish, or mistreated anyone in any way. The absolute worst part about being a human being, is the disappointment and heartbreak of being summarily rejected. Especially when it’s not even based on your merits, it’s retribution for the appalling behavior and actions of someone else.
I don’t know why this has hit me today, but I can tell you that in serious reflection, I realized that the phenomenon I have described above, has literally, in many ways, ruined the opportunity to derive maximum enjoyment from my life.
It certainly seems that the evidence is overwhelming, and the verdict is virtually assured. Clearly, I am not marketable at this point of my life. I am denied access to what I love to do. I am also denied love and companionship. There is an obvious flaws or defect that I cannot identify. I have no intentions of trying to change the person that I am. I am supremely confident that I have never been better in terms of my intellect, humor, array of gifts I have to offer and selflessness. It is the greatest challenge I ever faced. If I must find a source for joy and fulfillment in my life. Since satisfying vocations and loving relationships are not available and denied to me, I must look elsewhere. Wife without purpose and contentment is hardly worth living.EditEdit