People wonder why I am in such a dark place these days. This week,my lifelong friends will gather for our annual golf trip. For a quarter century plus, I was a Mainstay central figure on these excursions. This weekend at St. Simons, won’t be there. My vision issue has made my participation in golf pointless. On top of that, it is also a burden to anyone stuck with playing with me. They have to find my shots and choreograph my next one. There is no way that assignment does not effect their play and enjoyment of the game. Golf is something that I have to let go of. Of course, the other edge of that lethal sword is detachment from the primary social activity of my peer group. Some would say, go anyway for the camaraderie. This particular edition, that was not an option. The one weekend of the year when my attendance was impossible was chosen. The Kentucky a Derby is the most significant event in my industry. The fact this weekend was chosen was not intentionally done to exclude me. However, like my professional and personal lives, the circumstances of my situation have eroded my validity as a human being. I am no longer afforded full consideration. I am afflicted and compromised thus creating rational grounds to be discarded. I see nothing on the horizon that is going to change my ever increasing desolate, heartbreaking dismissal from an enjoyable life. The same limitations that now cast me as downgraded, prevent adjustment through personal initiative. I am reliant on others now and there is no one there. Like golf, people have their own lives. It is a microcosmic example. I am no longer welcome and personally not comfortable taking up space in the cart. My name is no longer penciled in on life’s tee time sheet.

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